Your Daily Focus: Alive!
What makes you come alive?
I have been reflecting on my three kids’ choices in life. My oldest Kate is passionate about human rights and the humane treatment of undocumented immigrants in the U.S. My middle child Betsy is passionate about the education of our youth in ecology and sustainability. My youngest James is passionate about entrepreneurism and business success.
One is out of school, one in school but never on campus, and one has chosen to forego college altogether to pursue independent education. One loves the urban Latino community, one loves in the mountains, and one loves suburban life. One likes to earn money, one likes to continually give away the money they have, and one simply never thinks about money. One loves inconspicuous utility vehicles, one loves powerful German cars, and one loves public transportation.
I love them all, and I love that they have all figured out what they prefer in life right now, and they are comfortable acting on it. They have all allowed themselves to explore their passions, and be continually guided toward what their interests are, regardless of any other opinions, and regardless of what they might have heard young people are “supposed to do.”
I would like to encourage you as a parent to not ever look at your kids in terms of what they are doing, but rather how they are feeling. Don’t think or talk about their education, career, job, money, fitness, degrees, grades, scores, cars, money, any of that. Think only in terms of how they feel about all they are doing.
Are they happy? Are they fulfilled by their choices? Are they open to new experiences? Are they fulfilling their current dreams? Are they free to learn from their experiences? Are they creating new desires? Are they following their passions?
Being over doing over having. Passion.
Years ago the kids and I discovered a quote that we really fell in love with, and we have used it as a guide for my parenting of them… which ultimately has led me to understand my job in parenting has been simply to encourage and support whatever they are interested in, and then get myself the heck out of their way! Here it is:
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive.” — Howard Thuman
Dr Rick,
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I love this! You always have such good insights. It seems difficult to get out of your child’s way sometimes when it feels like they are making poor choices. Sounds like all of your kids have found their paths and I think that is wonderful. What is your suggestion for a teenager who is struggling to find his path, is extremely creative and is choosing to not engage in his high school education because he feels it doesn’t suit his needs? Or maybe the question is what is your suggestion for the parent of this child? I look forward to your response!
Much Love,
Jody
Don’t let school stand in the way of a good education!
Trust him Jody. Play with him. Follow him on his adventures. He will teach you much of the secret of life!
Thank you. I realize I am in a position that I can no longer choose his path. In 2 years he will be able to forge out on his own. I know he will be fine. He really is a good, kind hearted kid, always thinks outside of the box and makes good choices in the whole scheme of things. I suppose I have to let go of the need to worry how others feel about his decisions. Including my own. Truth is, he could stand tall right now with or without his high school education. And I believe he already does.
Dear Rick,
It’s so true what you’re saying. My daughter is 16 years old and her passion is music. She wants to make it her profession as well and she is on her way to get into the school that suits her passion. She’s not graduated from “normal” school. She’s lucky she may get to a higher level, because talent is much more appreciated than a piece of paper. It gives much joy to help her to fulfill her passion.
Have a nice day!
Wilma