“Wrecked the Car Again? Great, Let’s Just Go for Ice Cream!”
I wanted to share a tip on parenting. I personally really like this one!
I was recently asked a question relating to a teenager having her third car accident, and how a parent might have an influence on guiding the child to better outcomes. Here’s my response:
That’s a good question. You could force her to study safe driving techniques before allowing her to have a car again. You could scold her and take away her driving privileges altogether. You could send her to a driving school and make her pay for it. You could make her pay for any increases in insurance premiums you incur. Or, you could take her out for ice cream and show her you love her.
The biggest thing here is not that your daughter learns something, but that you have a tremendous opportunity for growth yourself. If you handle this well, you will have really lovely memories of this event.
I believe that she is well aware that she screwed up, that she needs to focus more when driving, and that there are certain costs associated with having accidents. These concepts are best discussed when she is desiring to and brings it up at a later date.
I think what she would like to know in this moment more than anything else is that you love her, you accept her, and that she can feel safe in coming to you and sharing with you what is going on in her life, regardless of the intimacy or the embarrassment of it.
You have a chance to build tremendous trust and love with your daughter in this moment, so go hug her, love her, laugh with her, and take her for ice cream!
Enjoy, Rick
This is such a great idea! I love the idea of understanding that your kid feels miserable if they bang up the car, so do something they’ll always remember with joy – cheer them up! Now THAT is a great legacy to leave with your child.
Profound thought; I damaged a family car once
Mom went nuts for days on end
a buddy came over and one visit to a junk yard and 30 minutes labor fixed it
Whats worth the emotion? Going wild and screaming non stop? Or sitting down
and accepting that humans are human and crap DOES happen–and lets get this
resolved–and thank God the kid is NOT dead
I remember when I had done something to ge scolded about by my parents and how anxious I felth. Scared, regretful an more to say the least! How different it would have been to know that I would be forgiven with compassion AND understood how I was feeling at that moment. Thanks for reminding me to think about that when I am in those situations again!
RICK! This is great. What an amazing voice in a sea of “punish her!’s” I love when I remember that my kids inherently want to do a good job and have an inner compass guiding them to learn from their mistakes. How could they not?! Thanks for helping me think about where I am forgetting this so I can go get some ice cream with my fabulous four…or in this case, I better send cookies. The ice cream would get pretty messy for USPS.